2003-09-10 - 11:01 a.m.
I found some deodorant in a medicine cabinet downstairs and I put it on. It's some clear gooey speedstick brand which looked familiar and now i remember after smelling it on myself that I used to wear it when I was hooking up with Keith in college. It totally reminds me of him. That was kind of a fun time, in a horrible way. He used to drive me around a lot in that tan family van and one time I remember we went to sahara together. We ate falafel sandwiches while the sut set outside over US 41. What on earth did we talk about? And plus we never had sex, so what did we do? I guess we made out. I had that gimp arm. How strange it all was then, it was hot and sarasota and he was so cute and old, and blonde. He had a belly button piercing and wore an old blue oxford shirt all the time. He was probably the cutest person i'll ever make out with. But what a cold-hearted guy, in spite of all of our weird moments which were sort of beautiful even, I never want to see him again. When I kissed him threee times on the A train and said goodbye, when I kissed him inside his window haloween costume, when he visited me in the hospital, sucking in a peach pit, when he told me at New Year's that he thought about me all the time and he extracted from his wallet a piece of paper on which i had written my name and address for him 3 1/2 years before as proof. I remember I wrote it slowly in the B Dorm lounge, in the light of an early dawn at the end of the year, on an old paper bag and as i waited for him to make me cheese toast and juice after spending the night with him. Then after I had a fit of slight nostalgia I ate a banana and have been listening to the Smiths ("Strangeways, Here we Come"). I love the Smiths from way back. And real deep-like. And I've also been listening to Pinkerton (by Weezer) fr the past few days, i can't get enough of it. I am such a music whore, such a consumer i mean, I just want to listen and listen hard over and over again until i play it out for myself and make it empty, until i can't hear any nice meaning anymore and the sounds begin to irritate my senses.
The Smiths song, "I Won't Share You" sounds a lot like, "I Won't Shave You." I know people talk about wanting to shave their girlfriend's cooches, but I hope no one ever asks to do that to me. It will probably happen now, i've jinxed myself. I am really tired today, and it's all from my roommate, not even from my recent boyfriend exploits. She asked to take my picture and it took 3 hours of sitting in hot lights wearing whorish makeup, I went to bed 2 nights ago at 4:00, after fighting with the bf about how i had invited him over and then ignored him. Then I awoke at 8:30. Then last night I couldn't catch up either, because I met her and had a drink and then the whole thing took too long. Anyway, I'm tired and my body hurts. Also i'm worried that i'm pregnant, and it makes me be very surly. I'm so hungry. Yesterday for breakfast I ate an egg and cheese sandwich and a bag of garlic potato chips. Baby likes grease. Not funny! Today i ate cheerios and the banana.
