2003-05-13 - 11:52 a.m.
I have to pee so badly. I don't feel like walking past all the men working here today to go into the cold, dark bathroom and have to sit my bare ass on a paint-splattered icy seat, while over my head flutter clippings from the Post related to the Yankees or to the French: "France Puts the Iraq in Chirac" is an exact headline quote. The bathroom light happens to be out and no one has made any offer to replace it (is this my job? it just might be), and it is cold here today--gray and wet. The bathroom is right by the door, which is a rolling metal gate and is all the way up.
I am wearing somebody else's big gray sweatshirt, which i think i may have been wearing before while writing in this. I washed my hair with my roommate's shampoo this morning, so it smells really perfumey and is keeping me warm spread over my shoulders. It's not getting any warmer in New York City, and I feel how I did over the long winter--like crying. Why is it so cold and gray here? It's the middle of May! On Thursday I am doing this strange volunteer thing. I am taking a birthday cake to the house of a senior citizen and wishing them happy birthday, all alone. I get to pick out a card and personalize it though I won't know the person. I think though, that this is a nice way to spend one's days--saying happy birthday to old strangers you don't know. In a way, it's like the nicest career choice I can think of at the moment, though it doesn't really involve utilizing my brain at all. That's what being a lawyer is for. (For the past 3 days I've been having vaguely sexual fantasies about becoming a lawyer, I mean, of having a law degree and using it to do good. Vaguely sexual in that I get very excited.)
The mail just came at work and I said to my boss, "Oh man, the new Oprah's here. That means a new Dr. Phil column." He was like, "Right." I have a love-hate relationship with Dr. Phil. He's a flaming idiot, but at the same time, he talks about things that i cannot help but be pulpily interested in--relationships and parents. And he dishes it out with that smooth texas style. But he is against pre-marital sex. I have to go analyse his most recent column: "Dr. Phil's MANual" and see if he gets it right.
