2003-05-01 - 3:11 p.m.
May 1st! Today is the first day of may. I am pretty happy. I feel kind of grown up. Last week I went to Tucson, now all my freckles are out and I feel more relaxed. I kind of don't know how to write in this, am i writing to anyone? Does anyone read this? And if they do, I should just act like no one is reading, to prevent paralysis on my part. So I can keep my very creative, inspirational juices flowing. Just kidding. I know I seem shallow. Now i am writing to someone else again. Because I am NOT that shallow, and at least I know it. I also realized that my idea of a dating Diary has been done by... Cosmo! I read 2 Cosmos on my recent trip, my friend, who I was flying with, provided me with both of them. They kind of made me fel bad, like boys really care about things like bikini lines and stretch marks. Man that magazine is evil! It seriously boggles the mind. Why put in quotes by "Real" boys who insult women's bodies, except to ensure that women continue feeling fat, hairy, flabby and imperfect, and therefore keep buying their magazine and the products of their sponsors--Nair, Breast Implants, maybelline, and uh..Jasmin, that new BC pill. The one that "helps you lose weight." It's so sad. Anyway, Cosmo--they have that terrible, fake dating diary. How could they not be entirely fabricated? But mine wasn't. But mine was also kind of boring and didn't involve any sex or really much dating. I hooked up with someone but I didn't even go into details for my readers. And then he never called! Okay, he did call eventually, and I never called him back. There, that's it. The Dating Diary idea is in the past.
Now onto the real life diary. I had chinese food for lunch. I am wearing an orange plastic ring I bought for 95 c. in Arizona. Do you guys like Spoon? I am in love with them. I started to like them a lot last summer, and then I really overdid it. That's what i do with all music, play it to death. I have a compulsive personality in that respect. Nothing sounds as good, when i am in a phase, certain songs and sounds just thrill me to the core. Then I forget, like a little baby, I get distracted by something new. Right now it is these 2 Hank Williams CDs I just got. And still Spoon; I forgot about them all last fall and even winter, but then i went to see them with my roommate and I almost died and cried at the same time. I'd seen them before, but I was with a boyfriend, and he didn't like them, so I couldn't pay that much attention. But this time, we were right up front, and I swear Britt Daniel was looking at me. Dude, he smiled at me. I am also tall with big ears, like he is. So that's why he smiled, I think, he saw a kindred spirit. And also because I winked at him. I want to have his Texan big eared babies. Anyhow, when he sang, "I am your shadow in the dark/I have your blood inside my heart.." I felt like i would melt. They are wonderful live.
I am trying to decide in a small way what to do with my life. I want to volunteer with old people, but you need a physical and 3 recommendations at the one place I've tried so far, and I'm not tryin to hear that. I don't have health insurance. but I am healthy. I was afraid I had SARS 2 days ago, because I was hacking a dry cough and I never smoke, what could this be from? I took the Chinatown bus last week to & from DC and all of a sudden I was cold with certainty--Oh yes, one of the chinese people gave me SARS. I will die now, and I don't even have insurance. But it passed. I wonder what that was. I'm sorry I indicted those chinese people in my moment of fear. That's when people show their true colors.
My scissors got confiscated on the plane and I set off at east 3 metal detectors. I have 2 metal plates and 16 screws in my left arm. It's a real pain in the ass, for security reasons.
