2003-03-26 - 11:55 a.m.
I've decided that this online journal will be a record of my experiences with dating. i don't know how good an idea this is, because I am currently uninvolved and without any real prospects. But it will be loosely based on that format, that's all. And sex. Lots of sex.
The Australian, Paul, called me yesterday and drunkenly invited me to the bar across the street from my house. I played the message for my roommate and she was like, "He loooves you!" But I felt slightly patronized. no, he just wants to have sex with me. Obviously. And he is not that great, I don't love him or anything. I do like to see him, and he's cute and a good dresser. But I get a scary drug addict sex abuser vibe from him, too, because I met his friends, who are some short hosers with tattoos and missing teeth.
I have only had sex with 2 people in my life, and I am 23. And they were both my boyfriends. i have not had sex in 5 months now, almost exactly, and I realize to some that that's quite a dry spell. For me, it's quite normal, but still, I'd like to get some action, especially with the war being on. Alright, 1st there's Paul. He is a masseuse and exotic and tall. But maybe an alcoholic and certainly a flake. Then there's this very tall man, who is also 43. He's 6'8''. Why have sex with him, he is too old, some might say. But he is really nice and he likes me a lot. Almost to the point of maybe being creepy, had I let anything continue. Wait, I like him too. I just stopped seeing him because he was too old. And he is an artist and good musician, and handsome. And I have already made out with him several times. He said, "Where did you learn to kiss like that?" after we first kissed. Some people think I am a good kisser. I think I might be. If you like kissing. So, I could have sex with him, but it's probably a bad idea. Like I would be fucking with him. And I'm not sure he would just have casual sex with me, maybe he would want something more, which I wouldn't want from him I think.
Then there's Steve, a guy who I feel comfortable with and who used to ask me out last summer and I'd always say no, because i worked with him and he is a friend of my brother in law's. He's cute. He's got a car and a nice Westchester accent. Tawk, cawl, etc. It's charming. but I'd have to call him. He said, "I give up, Amanda." If Amanda were my real name, that is. Because i had rejected him too many times though I also kind of liked him. And then there's Evan, a boy I loved in high school. He kissed both my elbows at a party when i was a junior. He may be pretentious now though, and everyone says he looks like a turtle or a pig . He's been asking boys I know for my number and seems interested in the idea of getting together with me. But he didn't come to my birthday party, though i personally left a message on his voicemail. In fact, i haven't seen him in 3 years at least. I think more like 4. I want to makeout with him though, to pay homage to myself of 6 years ago. that girl, she deserves some action. But fucking that guy, I don't think I would want to do that with someone i had gone to high school with no matter how many debts I wanted to repay to me 6 yrs ago.
So here is our sex situation. i think Paul may be the best candidtate. I'm like a virgin who just needs to get rid of her virginity. that's how i feel--I want to start over and have a new sex time period. This winter has been cold and depressing. My roommate last night hooked up with another boy i liked in high school. but he is shorter than me, so he's kind of out. it's only 1/2 inch. but he only dates teeny asian girls. Anyway, I only liked him briefly in high school, and then after wards, in college, he used to try to get with me. But he would never try anything, because i was over him by then and he could tell. Just recently he said to me, "You are a catch and a half. Don't you know that? You are so beautiful, and all of your oddities only make the people who love you love you more." I am odd. It was kind of him to compliment me. I am a whore for compliments, like many other people. If you couldn't tell, that compliment was in the context of me selling myself short.
